i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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