I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
