Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
