I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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