I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
