I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
