you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
