You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
