She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
