The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
