This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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