Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
