guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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