dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
