bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize