Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
