You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
