my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
