My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
