They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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