i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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