I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
