it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
