Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
