I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
