Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize