my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
