I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
