It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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