Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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