The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize