I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize