it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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