Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
did you just send me my own nude
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
