I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize