if you like me you must not know who I am
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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