is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
