it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
