I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
