Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
