i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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