wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
