he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
