it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize