Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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