I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
