we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
