Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
