Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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