somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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