he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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