after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
