um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
