This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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