Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize