Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
