I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
