The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
