Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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