When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
