it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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