I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
