i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your dad touched me again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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