do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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