i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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