Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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