Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
