I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
