I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
