Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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