Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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