11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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