I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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