I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
