She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
