Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
