i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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