So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The beer is more important than you right now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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