I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
