Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
