i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
