NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
