I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You are a genius and a whore.
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