The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
