last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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