nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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