Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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