I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
