I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
