If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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