A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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