im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
