ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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