can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
