11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
