all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
