She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
