Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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