i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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