i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize