how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
