Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
