The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
