I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
