Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
