I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
