Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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